A few days ago, someone my brother and I knew, a mom of kids
we went to school with, started working with him in a bakery. And she asked
after me. Not after what I was doing with my career, or what I was doing with
school, however. She asked if I was married or not.
My brother passed it off as silly, laughing as he closed the
door to my bedroom, where I had been sitting with a whiteboard, plotting my
fantasy work in progress. The marker hung in my hand. So strange to hear after
this woman since I hadn’t seen her daughter since 8th grade. So
strange that her daughters are married already. So strange that she would
assume I was married…and not bother
asking anything else about me at all.*
Strange? The more I thought about it, not so much.
Marriage is not for everyone—women or men, but it is pushed
onto women more often than men. Men can be independent without judgment, and if
someone asks about them, odds are it won’t be about marriage. After all, how
often are they asked who they’re wearing at the academy awards?
I hate the idea that women are viewed as having to want or having to be married. News flash! Not everyone wants the same thing, and if a
woman wants to do it single then she should do so without judgment. She should
be able to—but she’s not. This is the 21st century, people. How
often are we going to pretend we’re in the Middle Ages? No, she doesn’t have to
be married to accomplish everything she needs to succeed in life. No, she doesn’t
have to be attached to a man, either. She can do what she dreams, with or
without a husband.
Even if she wants to be married, she can still fulfill her
dreams. There should be nothing standing in her way. In anyone’s way.
“Did she go to school? Where? What is she doing now?” are
all questions that could have been asked from this Mom who blasted to the bakery
from 2007. Instead, they all fell to the ground, only to be trampled by
strangers in passing.
*For the record, yes, I do want to eventually get married.
But my writing, at this point in my life, is more important, as is my career.
